Google ‘dating in your 30s’ and you’re in for a fright. From “aching ovaries” to “sad single-dads”, “emotional baggage” and even that it’s like “sifting through garbage” it’s enough to put you off finding love completely. I call BS. Consider this your permission slip to ignore the internet fear-mongering. I work with men and women in their late 30s who can’t get enough of the decade of dating with fewer games, more honesty and better dinners.
As a dating coach and matchmaker, let me tell you what dating in your late 30s is really like so you can get back out there feeling excited to meet your next match.
1. You know what you really want
This is HUGE. You’ve survived your twenties (congrats), you’ve been the Best Man and the bridesmaid at probably multiple weddings (hey, maybe you’ve even had your own, with a divorce party to prove it). You’ve dated people you thought were The One, people you knew definitely weren’t and you’ve maybe even been in love a few times.
All of your experience means you know exactly what works for you in a relationship – and what doesn’t.
Now is the time to sit and write down the qualities you want in a partner AND your deal-breakers – in life and the bedroom. Your dating life will become that much easier. Why? You won’t waste nights going on dates with people you know aren’t the right fit.
Don’t skip the deal-breakers, aka qualities where no matter how good everything else is, this one thing will break the deal. For some people, kids from another relationship is a deal-breaker, for others it’s a commitment to travel or an adventurous sexual side. Whatever yours are, it’s ok – just be ruthlessly honest. This way, when you notice red flags early on, you can quickly move on before any attachment develops.
2. You’re the best version of yourself
Developing positive, healthy relationships with others only comes when you develop a positive, healthy relationship with yourself. This can be tricky if you’ve come out of a messy divorce or child-custody battle that’s left you feeling bruised. In that case it’s even more important to treat yourself well, both mentally and physically.
As a dating coach and matchmaker, I help men and women in their late 30s and over who are willing to spend time and energy on themselves. If you’re ready to invest in a coach, it means you’re ready to invest in yourself and make your happiness a priority.
If you want a partner who is cultured, kind, healthy, financially stable and comfortable with their sexuality – you have to ask yourself, are YOU those things?
I’m not saying you have to change who you are, but simply that you need to love yourself, love what you do, and love life. When I coach people in how to reach that level, amazing partners start appearing in their lives as if from nowhere. Because let me tell you – your perfect match isn’t behind a screen, they’re right in front of you when you align with who you really are.
3. The dates are better
Yes, I’m talking nice restaurants and graduating to luxurious weekend breaks. By your late 30s, you’ve climbed the career ladder and are hopefully enjoying the spoils that come with all your hard work. So there’s not so much worry about suggesting cocktails at the Shard, splashing out on dinner at the latest London eatery, or perhaps one of my favourite out-of-the-box date ideas in London.
4. You’re more attuned to your intuition
Above all else, listening to your intuition is so key when it comes to dating in your 30s – and luckily you’ve had the years to develop it.
In your twenties, you might have ignored that little voice that said “nope, not for you” because you just weren’t ready to hear it. You might have tried really hard to make it work with someone you knew wasn’t good for you or you ignored the huge red flags. But now, with a decade (or more) of dating and relationships behind you, you can really listen to those signs and inner nudges so you don’t end up wasting your time and energy on people who bring you down.
Don’t believe the BS that dating in your late 30s is an uphill struggle to love. It’s just not true – and I’m here to help you prove it.
If you’re a 30+ single professional in London with a wild side whose ready to add a little adventure to your dating life, join me for a dating event where we’ll discover if one woman’s wingman is your wildest desire.