Whether you are a few dates in or are in the exciting early phase of dating, overthinking and over-analyzing can create a lot of unnecessary drama. Here’s how to stop overthinking and enjoy the pleasure of the present moment instead.
Hands up if you ever find yourself analyzing every date, every text message, every phone call and constantly thinking about the person you’re dating?
Well you’re not alone! As a dating coach and matchmaker I see this all the time and I’m here to help you regain control over your thoughts – and your love life.
It may seem obvious, but it bears repeating: dating and relationships should be fun! But all that obsessing definitely isn’t fun, and nor is it bringing you the intimacy and love you deserve.
Why do we over-think romantic relationships?
In my experience there are a couple of reasons we tend to overthink in dating and relationships:
You’re trying to figure out if you’re a good fit with someone
You have a hard time trusting yourself and/or others because of past hurts
You’re trying to avoid pain in the future
Which are all completely understandable and make so much sense! There’s nothing to be ashamed of and absolutely nothing wrong with you for wanting a happy relationship.
Overthinking and over analyzing can cause major problems – not just for your relationship, but for your mental and physical health too.
Overthinking puts a lot of pressure on both parties and is frankly exhausting!
So if you want to relax and enjoy the early stages (or any stage) of a relationship, read on for my top tips to stop overthinking and start enjoying your dating life.
1. Stop searching for hidden meanings
They’ll either call, or they won’t. They either like you, or they don’t. They’ll want to take the next step, or they won’t. It will all be revealed in time – and your stressing over it isn’t going to help.
Most likely, there is no hidden meaning to the little things that happen. Putting yourself in an emotional place where you’re hanging on what they are doing and saying doesn’t change the outcome and can cause you to create a problem where there wasn’t one before.
When you’re worrying and analysing their last text, turn the focus back to YOU. How does your body feel at this moment? How does interacting with this person make you feel in your heart?
Coming back to your own needs, feelings and sensations moment by moment is what will bring you out of the future so you can enjoy the pleasure available to you right now.
2. Limit how much you ask your friends for advice
If your default is to discuss every date with your friends, hold off for a while. Without any input, it’s easier to have no opinion at all about what happened on your date, which can help you keep you from over-analyzing things.
This is not to say that if something terrible happened you shouldn’t vent, just that when you’re in the early stages of a new relationship, try to limit polling your friends and asking “Why do you think they did X?” questions.
Ultimately only you know how someone else makes you feel – and whether that’s a feeling you want to continue experiencing or are ready to let go of.
When in doubt, pause and evaluate how you actually feel. If you find it challenging to discern your true feelings, working with a coach can really help. Reach out to me, or another qualified dating and relationship expert to guide you towards your inner truth – it’s what will ultimately set you free from overthinking.
3. Keep coming back to YOU
Staying involved in your hobbies and interests, even (or perhaps especially) when things are going brilliantly with someone new, is a really good way to avoid over-thinking what’s happening, or losing yourself.
I’m also an advocate for there being nothing wrong with dating multiple people at once. It takes the pressure and focus off of one in particular and gives you a better barometer of your genuine feelings.
Remember, thinking and analyzing is letting the brain do what it loves to do (label and solve) is a wonderful way to avoid other problems. Isn’t it better to over-think than to make a horrible mistake, or to feel vulnerable, or to have to face an inconvenient truth in yourself? Ultimately: no.
If you want to experience true connection and deep love, there will always be risk and vulnerability involved. Listening to your true feelings will always guide you forward in the best way for you. So drop out of that busy, over-analyzing mind and listen to your heart instead.
Is sexual compatibility important to you? Do you want a dating life that is about quality, not quantity? You’ve come to the right place. Book a free consultation with me to discover how our coaching and dating services can help you find the right person for you – in and outside the bedroom.