My mission is to empower men and women to let go of guilt and shame around dating and sex. So guess what? It’s ok to date multiple people at once! Here are 4 reasons to keep your options open.
For too long we’ve been sold the idea that those who choose to date casually before we decide on our forever person are either “slutty” women or “player” men.
Well I say, no more! Finding the person you want to go on your next 50 holidays with and eat your next 600 meals with isn’t a 2-minute job.
Finding love is a process, and one that can be greatly improved by going out there and seeing what you like by dating multiple people at once so you can find out exactly the type of relationship you want.
As a dating coach, I get a lot of questions about this. Questions ranging from the delicate, like: ‘How do I talk to the person I’m dating about the other people I’m seeing?’ ‘Do I disclose at all?’ to the practical, like: ‘How do I manage my time and make sure I don’t get overwhelmed?’
Even if you’re typically a monogamous person, when you’re looking for a new relationship it’s all about exploring what’s out there – and there is no better city to do that in than London.
Here are my top 4 reasons to keep your options open – get ready for a dating adventure!
1. It’s empowering
Falling for someone you’ve just met can feel like plummeting down the rabbit hole. It can be delightful, but sometimes you land with a bump and a big old bruise on your heart. Instead of being at the mercy of your new crush, dating multiple people means you don’t put so much pressure on the new person you suspect is perfect for you.
I recommend dating around three people at once; it’s a manageable number and – importantly – you won’t find yourself projecting to the future about one person, who might also be dating multiple people.
Taking control of your dating life is empowering because it minimizes the risk of getting your heart bruised by someone who really wasn’t worth it to begin with. It’s SO much easier to see that when you already have a few other people who can’t wait to go out with you.
Yes, you may develop true feelings for someone, and you can’t game love and think you’ll never get hurt. But keeping your options open certainly cushions the blow and stops that fear of never finding someone at bay.
2. It helps you find out what you like
Have you ever dated someone for a few weeks, only to realise down the road that you don’t actually like their personality? Yep, we’ve all been there.
If you’re dating lots of people, it’s easier to avoid falling into the trap of being blinded by lust and the strength of sheer hope. Let’s be real, it can be challenging to take a step back and work out if someone is really right for you without the aid of good old comparison.
When dating multiple people, there’s no more settling for mediocre dates, because the bar is raised or lowered on each and every date.
3. A varied sex life
Ok, let’s get one thing straight – dating multiple people does NOT mean you’re also sleeping with them all (unless you want to, of course #youdoyou).
However, IF you have the, erm, appetite dating multiple people can mean you really get to find our what you want and experiment.
Maybe one person you’re dating is into something a little kinky, while another likes to try Tantra or super slow and gentle. Think of this as a great opportunity for you to experience all the kinds of sex you might be craving.
4. It makes you better at communicating
So, what about the big question: do you let your dates know you’re dating multiple people? There is SO much debate about this, and some people think it’s fine to keep it on the quiet. Me?
I say honesty is always the best policy.
I recommend making your intentions clear but leave out the details. So you can let your date know that you’d like to meet several people to find the best fit for you, but you don’t need to reveal how many people you’re dating at once.
A word of warning
Can dating multiple people backfire? It sure can. Once you start getting into a habit of setting up dates with one or more people, it can get easy to fall into the trap of playing the field. You could end up on a series of one-and-done dates, which can get mighty tiring.
If you start getting dating fatigue, take a break or reassess who it is you really like and want to take things further with.
When you realise there’s one person you ready to be really intimate with, tell them how you feel. When it comes to love, honest and open communication is always your best move.