When you’re exploring your sexuality and opening up to new possibilities in the bedroom, one thing sure to shut down your awakening libido is being shamed by friends who don’t quite get it. In this week’s blog, I’m praising the sex positive friends you need in your life.
So what does “sex positive” mean anyway?
The term “sex positive” generally reefers to orgy-loving, sexually reckless and open to disease horn-dogs.
Being sex poisitive means you could love the odd orgy, but really it just means that you have a positive attitude about sex and feel comfortable with your own sexual identity and with the sexual behaviors of others.
Seems like a no-brainer, right?
Well, if you’ve ever mentioned enjoying casual sex or one-night stands, for example, to friend and had them subtely raise an eyebrow, maybe not.
Sadly we don’t yet live in a culture of non-judgement around sexuality. We’re moving towards it, and Tailor Matched exists so that you can feel comfortable asserting that, yes, sexual compatibility is just as important as general compatibility.
Being sex positive is all about embracing sexuality as an important part of who you are, irrespective of your age, race, social status or gender. It basically means maintaining a healthy attitude towards sex (or lack of it) and valuing it based on your individual needs.
As in all things in life, having friends around you who support your growth makes this so much easier. I’ve rounded up some of the top reasons to make an effort to gather a posse of sex-positive friends around you.
6 reasons why you need sex positive friends in your life:
- They’ll encourage you to explore what you really like
The thing about sex-positive friends is that they try to understand their bodies, their partners’ bodies, and all of the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects involved with intimacy. If they have questions about sex, they feel comfortable asking – which means you can too. Being able to openly talk about sex without shame or awkwardness is truly liberating, and means that when you find yourself with a new partner, you already have the vocabulary to talk about what you do and don’t like.
- They normalise conversations around safe sex
Being able to chat with your friends about safe sex can include discussing sexual histories, using condoms, and being tested for sexually-transmitted infections. Having friends you can talk to about creating emotional and psychological safety within your relationships, particularly if there’s sexual dysfunction or a history of sexual abuse, makes navigating these tricky areas so much easier and less lonely.
- They help you to say “no thanks” to sex
Sex-positive people are happy in the knowledge that sometimes they won’t want to have sex and that partners might not want to have sex with them either. This may sound simple, but in friendship groups where there is an accepted narrative that “men always want sex,” for example, this simple shift can be truly empowering in helping you speak up when you just don’t feel like getting it on. Normalising the chat around just not being in the mood also means you’re far less likely to feel rejected if your partner turns down your advances. Win-win.
- They help you let go of shame
Sex positivity is all about embracing sexual diversity. Having friends who accept that you don’t want to live inside a box marked “hereosexual” or “homosexual”, and who celebrate the number of partners you’ve had (whether that’s 1 or 100), creates the safe space for you to set yourself free of shame.
- They won’t tell you who to sleep with
Oh hey, guess what? It’s no one’s business who you sleep with. As long as you’re an adult reading this, and everyone involved gives their consent, it’s your choice. Sex positive friends won’t tell you you can’t have sex until you’re married, or that you shouldn’t have sex with a person who is “wrong” for you. You are free to do what’s right for you without Miss Judgy on your back.
- They accept you and your sexual preferences
Sex positive friends accept sexual behaviors that might be different from theirs, such as having lots of lovers, enjoying threesomes, or swapping marital partners. If you’ve ever felt judged by your pals for wanting to try something that differs from the “norm”, maybe it’s time to get some new friends?
What do you think? Are you surrounded by friends who accept your sexual choices and encourage your growth? Or is it time to reevaluate some of your relationships? Have you experienced being shamed by friends for your sexual activity? Tell me in the comments and let’s start a sex positive conversation!
Ready to explore your wild side without shame and fear of judgement? Get in touch with me today to book your free 30 minutes session and let’s talk about whether my new Set Yourself Free coaching programme is for you.